About Good Girls

WHAT’S A GOOD GIRL?

There are so many good things about growing up good girl.

Kim Shannon, Good Girl

Good girls are SO flippin’ nice. We go out of our way to be polite, thoughtful, respectful, and compassionate, and it’s genuine—it comes straight from the heart. There is no false pretense here.

Good girls think about others, are excellent caretakers, and feel horrible if we inadvertently hurt someone else. We are here to please, not to make others feel bad, sad, or disappointed.

Good Girls grow up with morals and values, manners and integrity. We are taught to behave in certain ways, to follow a script if you will, and we take it on like it’s our job.

We grow up to be good moms, good wives, good businesswomen—good people. We know exactly how we are supposed to act in every role we play, and we’re really good at it.

I am proud to be a good girl.

EXCEPT when being a good girl gets in my way. EXCEPT when I get stuck.

Many of my friends and clients are good girls and guess what, they get stuck too. Good Girls Anonymous was born to help good girls get unstuck and break free from the good girl addiction.

WHAT DOES ADDICTION HAVE TO DO WITH IT?

Some of us have addictive personalities and enjoy flirting with excess, while others are more hesitant and cautious. But the fact remains, we all get addicted to things. We’re human after all.

Some addictions start out as a dalliance, others begin as a habit, and still others are modeled and then expected.

Throughout my life, I have been addicted to lots of things including coffee, alcohol, cigarettes, sleeping on my tummy, bad boys, silver jewelry, no-underwire bras, bright red toes, hairspray, reality TV, and Oreos. I’ve run the gamut.

Some of the things on my list i.e. alcohol, cigarettes and bad boys—I don’t do any longer. I quit when I finally understood how detrimental those pursuits were. Some things, like hairspray, I outgrew, and others I still enjoy including coffee and chocolate. All addictions aren’t necessarily bad. It’s when the addiction becomes the prize, when it becomes the be-all-and-end-all, when it’s out of control that it becomes a problem.

I’ve known people who can’t go to sleep without running the dishwasher, and take showers three plus times a day. I’ve known people who immediately say no when asked any question, and only later, after they have thought long and hard about it, come back and give you their real response.

Image credit: nailiaschwarz / 123RF Stock Photo

I’ve also known many good girls who have been addicted to ways of being that hem them in and hold them back. I’m one of those good girls, and in all honesty, I can say that my ‘good girl addiction’ cost me more of my life and my happiness than anything else. Over time, I became addicted to second-guessing myself, having to be perfect, pleasing others, saying “yes” even when I really wanted to say “no”, not speaking up, putting my needs last, saying “I’m fine” even when I wasn’t, wearing a mask so no one could see my pain, and feeling ashamed when I didn’t live up to expectations.

I learned these as a young girl. The adults in my life modeled them. Each one isn’t taught to be an addiction, but when overused and abused they can take over.

What’s on your addiction list? What’s holding you back?

FEELING STUCK

Feeling stuck is kinda like stepping on a piece of chewing gum. Every time you take a step, your foot gets delayed when it hits the ground. There’s resistance. There’s drag.

Over time, little by little, without even realizing it’s happening, these sticky globs not only hinder your momentum, they weigh you down. Think being caught in a La Brea Tar Pit of pink, sticky bubble gum.

What happens to you emotionally when you’re weighed down? It’s difficult to feel joy, have positive energy, and know you are worth it. It can make a good girl stressed and insecure with the self-esteem of a gnat.

THE CAUSES

Any or all (and this is certainly not a complete list) of the following can make a good girl feel stuck:

• Not feeling appreciated for all you do
• Being taken advantage of
• Other people’s opinions outweigh your own
• Judgment
• Unexpressed Anger
• A nasty inner critic
• No creative outlet
• Loneliness
• Operating in a box that’s too small for you
• Sadness
• Guilt, Shame, and Regret
• Fear of conflict
• A nonexistent Work/Life balance
• Your passions and purpose live in the backseat rather than in the drivers seat
• No “ME” time
• Difficult relationships
• Lopsided communication
• Addiction to perfection, food, sex, following the rules, alcohol, cigarettes, drugs, praise, being perfect, staying out of trouble, guilt, towing the line, approval, and being other-focused to name a few…

THE WAY OUT

The way out is four-fold and it involves: FREEDOM, POWER, FULFILLMENT, and SAFE SISTERHOOD. These are the goals of the Good Girls Anonymous™ Program.

The FREEDOM to share your thoughts, ideas and feelings, to be heard. The freedom to take time to care for your spirit, to live the life you always dreamed of, to be the woman you always thought yourself to be. The freedom to have peace of mind. To know freedom.

The POWER to express yourself, to say NO to others and YES to yourself, to feel pride for your accomplishments and creativity. The power to stand up for yourself, and what you know is right for you, even when everyone else believes differently. The power to know what you want and need, to know you deserve it, to demand you get it, and to follow your heart. To feel powerful.

The FULFILLMENT of loving yourself, living authentically, feeling satisfied, and making choices that fill and fuel you. The fulfillment of balance and trusting yourself, of feeling deserving and powerful, of factoring yourself in. The fulfillment of living your purpose and making a difference, of being you and liking who you are. To be happy and satisfied.

The SAFE SISTERHOOD of support and compassionate listening, of “we’re all in this together” comradery and “I have your back.” The safe sisterhood of women helping each other rise above good girl into who we are as great women. To know safety and support.

xo